Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

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if love relationships aren’t bargains, what are they?” Then I heard myself say in a casual voice, “Oh, they’re emotional bonds. They’re about the innate need for safe emotional connection. Just like [British psychiatrist] John Bowlby talks about in his attachment theory concerning mothers and kids. The same thing is going on with adults.”


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Romantic love was all about attachment and emotional bonding. It was all about our wired-in need to have someone to depend on, a loved one who can offer reliable emotional connection and comfort.

Note: Есть у меня сомнения в этой формулировке


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recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.


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Erica Jong

Note: Erica Jong: An American author and poet, Erica Jong born March 26, 1942 is best known for her groundbreaking novel “Fear of Flying” 1973, which explores themes of female sexuality, liberation, and identity Jong’s work is characterized by its candid and provocative approach to women’s issues, blending humor and social commentary Throughout her career, she has published numerous novels, essays, and poetry collections, establishing herself as a prominent voice in feminist literature Jong’s writing often challenges societal norms and advocates for sexual freedom and self-expression In addition to her literary work, she has been an influential speaker and cultural commentator


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Celtic

Note: Celtic: Referring to a group of ancient peoples and cultures that inhabited parts of Europe, particularly in regions now known as Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Brittany, and Galicia The term encompasses a variety of languages, traditions, and arts associated with these groups, particularly the Celtic languages, which include Irish, Scottish Gaelic, Welsh, Breton, and Cornish Celtic culture is characterized by its rich mythology, distinctive music, and intricate art forms, including knotwork and illumination The term is also used in modern contexts to describe cultural expressions and identities that draw from these historical roots, such as in literature, folklore, and contemporary music


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Most of us no longer live in supportive communities with our birth families or childhood friends close at hand. We work longer and longer hours, commute farther and farther distances, and thus have fewer and fewer opportunities to develop close relationships.


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John Bowlby

Note: John Bowlby: A British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, John Bowlby 1907–1990 is best known for his pioneering work in attachment theory, which explores the emotional bonds between children and their primary caregivers His research emphasized the importance of a secure attachment in early childhood for healthy psychological development Bowlby proposed that disruptions in this attachment could lead to emotional and behavioral issues later in life His influential theories laid the groundwork for modern developmental psychology and have had a lasting impact on child psychiatry, psychotherapy, and parenting practices


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quality of the connection to loved ones and early emotional deprivation is key to the development of personality and to an individual’s habitual way of connecting with others.


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callousness

Note: callousness noun: lack of empathy or concern for others; insensitivity 🤖💔


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In Bowlby’s era, parents were not allowed to stay in the hospital with their sick sons and daughters; they had to drop the children off at the door.


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experiment was called the Strange Situation and has generated literally thousands of scientific studies and revolutionized developmental psychology.